On the face of it, this little piece of digital ephemera shouldn’t matter. It’s simply an order for two Moleskine sketchbooks made two and a half years ago. But it’s much more than that…
Firstly, these two sketchbooks were the first I bought after returning to drawing following a ten-year break.
Secondly, the date of the invoice shows that they were bought on the same day I heard that my friend Mary Gordon had died.
Mary dying was the catalyst for my restarting to draw. I remember clearly that when I heard she’d died, I knew — suddenly and without doubt — that I needed to draw again. That I didn’t want to die without at least trying to get back to a drawing practice.
What I didn’t remember was just how closely these two events — hearing of her death, and ordering sketchbooks — sat together. According to the invoice, they were not just related, but simultaneous. The sketchbooks were bought on the same day.
That realisation has given this little digital record a much greater significance — it has become a timestamp that shows not just when I returned to drawing, but why.
I just used a pencil for today’s drawing. I wondered about adding some colour, but wanted to keep things simple.
I found myself revealing a little more about my habits and routines than perhaps I intended — talking about my need to use a pencil to its stubbly end and how I’ve developed a routine of saving the old stubs in a jar — with another for the shavings.
The new insulated mug is present again, not quite fully on the page. The new chicken illustrated tray-mat too. Both feeling much more familiar — enjoyable even – to draw.
The text reads:
Drawing with the stub of my pencil at 5.00am. I’m reluctant to let it go, bo but I can’t sharpen it any more (sic). I have a jar where I keep the old stubs
Back to the much more familiar this morning — drawing with the light on and drawing my Go Gently Louise mug on my Moomin tray.
I was awake VERY early this morning (about 2.00 am) and couldn’t go back to sleep, so decided to make myself a mug of tea.
I need everything to feel as familiar as possible at that time in the morning and so, as I boiled the kettle was picturing my routine of taking my tea back to bed, reaching into my drawing bag and pulling out my sketchbook and Lochby pouch containing my very stubby Blackwing 3 stub and settling down to draw.
In that mental picture I saw not my new orange insulate mug on my tea tray, but rather my friendly old Louise Go Gently mug. Likewise, my tray wasn’t the large chicken one with the new tray mat on it, but my comforting Moomin tray.
These choices would dictate what I would draw this morning. Familiarity stacked on top of familiarity. Lovely!
The text in the drawing reads:
As much as I like my new insulated mug, I realise that I’ve been missing my Louise Go Gently mug. So I’m risking cold tea and having it on my tray again this morning.
I was excited to pick up my sketchbook this morning. After yesterday’s experience of drawing in the dark, I was keen to experiment a little more.
Only a little light
There was a small pool of light cast from my bedside reading lamp to the left, but the tray in its usual position on the bed was mostly in darkness. I could just make out the familiar shapes of the things on it, but much wasn’t clear.
I began with the ninety-degree Perspex handle on the lid of my new bright orange insulated mug. I drew the gentle curve of the top of the mug and immediately felt the comfort and pleasure that can come from drawing. I couldn’t see the shape of the mug’s handle, so I drew that from memory — and did the same with the Stanley motif on the front.
Next came the flask, drawn a little less clumsily than yesterday, and the milk jug — a mix of what I could see and what I remembered from drawing it so many times before. Then the oat-milk carton. The top half was lit better and I could observe it directly, but this wasn’t my usual brand, so when I reached the darker lower half I left much of it undrawn. Then my teapot: familiar from memory, but not quite right.
Choosing colour by instinct
Finally I added the crocheted blanket the tray was sitting on. As yesterday, I chose colours without seeing them clearly — relying on the remembered length of each crayon and a sense of how light or dark it felt. I did better at choosing today, though I didn’t know for sure which colours I’d picked until daylight began to seep into the room.
At first, I hadn’t planned to include the illustrated hens on the mat (or to colour it), but I was enjoying the session and gaining confidence in drawing from memory. As the room brightened, I could make out the white shapes of the hens, though not their details, so I added a few approximations. To finish, I coloured the mat with what I hoped was a Neocolor II Ochre crayon — it was.
A litte fiddling!
When I decided the drawing was finished, I realised there wasn’t much space left to add the date, so I tucked it into one of the white borders of the crocheted blanket squares. Unable to stop myself fiddling (and breaking my rule of the drawing being finished when I add the date), I added a couple of small touches of colour where I’d missed before — the only moment of dissatisfaction in an otherwise deeply satisfying drawing.
Today’s Tea-Tray drawing, made at 4:30 a.m. when I couldn’t sleep.
An Oatly Barista carton, an Energizer light bulb box, and my Onion Soup mug were all on the tea tray, though the mug didn’t find its way into the drawing.
G. had just found the bulb while looking for something else, moments after one of the lights blew — a small thing, but it felt like a sign that maybe not everything has to be difficult. I was about to put the bulb box into the recycling and then decided I could draw it instead. A tiny decision, but one that changed today’s drawing from my more usual composition. (I’m going to put the bulb box into my physical Ephemera archive.)
It was drawn with my Blackwing 3 pencil and two Neocolor II crayons (black and light olive). I felt very dopey and suspected I wasn’t equal to the task, but I’m glad I persevered — so that now this drawing exists as a tiny record of a quiet moment of domestic calm, and the small satisfaction of things unexpectedly working out.
The full text reads:
4:30 a.m. Very dopey drawing. G. found this bulb when looking for something else. Perfect as one of my bulbs had just blown (do low-energy bulbs blow?). Sometimes things can just work out.