Michael Nobbs

Tag: drawing practice

  • A broken pencil at 3.00 am

    A close-up of a small homemade sketchbook page containing an early-morning self-portrait. The face is partly drawn in black with bold blue glasses, dense black hair and a red area at the bottom of the page. The handwritten note at the top reads, “3:00am My pencil broke so I stopped. I’m not sure I’m going back to sleep.”

    I was following my current early-morning drawing compulsion of pouring out my tea and reaching for my mirror and sketchbook. It was even earlier than usual — 3.00 am today — and I’d rather have still been sleeping. But the rule seems to be: I wake up, make tea and draw myself. So that’s what I was doing.

    When the pencil broke

    Midway through drawing, the lead of my pencil broke. I’d been using a rather lovely old and waxy Derwent Drawing pencil in Ivory Black and enjoying the heavy, pastel-like quality of its lines. It was as I was working the pencil hard, drawing the now familiar line of my mouth, that the lead simply crumbled. In that moment, the spell was broken and I was able to stop drawing.

    I realised I liked where the drawing had ended and decided to leave it where it was. Switching to a pen, I grounded the drawing in the moment with an early-morning report in the corner.

    I think — and this is new — even though the drawing was “unfinished”, being forced to stop meant my compulsion to draw had been quenched and I was able to relax into being awake and drink my tea.

    A second drawing

    After a little while, I reached for my newly started A4 Fabriano sketchbook and began another drawing, not because I needed to, but because I wanted to. This time I drew slowly, probably for about an hour, stopping regularly to enjoy my tea and notice the sound of the rain on the window above my head.

    Something interesting happened with this drawing. The self-portrait was drawn first, with the now-sharpened Derwent, much as I’ve been drawing them these past couple of weeks. But then I switched to my broad-nibbed Kaweco Sport and returned to the very familiar language and materials of my tea-tray drawings. It was as if these two, until now separate ways of drawing, met for the first time.

    At 4.20 am I added a few words to ground this drawing too: It’s raining hard. I’m awake and drinking tea and thinking I might just make a second pot.

    In the end I didn’t. I fell asleep instead.

    A small homemade sketchbook resting on the bed beneath a round mirror. The page shows an early-morning self-portrait with bold blue glasses, black hair and a red area of clothing. In the mirror above, my face, yellow phone and green teapot are visible. Handwritten text on the drawing begins, “3:00am My pencil broke so I stopped…”
    An A4 sketchbook open on the bed beneath a round mirror and tea tray. The page contains a large self-portrait framed by the outline of the mirror, with black hair and glasses. Below and around the portrait is a blue chicken-patterned tea-tray mat, drawn in pen and Neocolor II. A handwritten note at the upper right records being awake at 4:20am, listening to the rain and drinking tea.
    A close-up of an A4 sketchbook page showing a large self-portrait inside the drawn outline of a round mirror. The face has black hair, glasses and loosely drawn features. The lower part of the page is filled with a blue chicken-patterned tea-tray mat, with small hens picked out in black, red and blue.

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  • Drawing without firm ground

    A sketchbook lies open on a blue patterned tea tray resting on a multicoloured crocheted blanket. The tray is white with cut-out handles and lined with a cloth covered in repeating hen shapes. Beside the sketchbook and on the tray sit a lime-green teapot, an orange insulated Stanley mug with steam condensing under the perspex lid, and a carton of barista oat milk. The drawing across the two sketchbook pages shows the same objects arranged on the tray: the mug in the foreground, the teapot above it, and the oat-milk carton to the left, all outlined in loose pencil lines. The background of the drawing is filled with many small hen motifs, repeating across both pages. Handwritten text within the drawing reads “Looking for comfort in the familiar” and “Trying to find some ground. Is there any?”.

    I made a drawing this morning hoping for a little comfort. I drew the objects I know: mug, teapot, oat milk, tray. Familiar companions to steady anxious hands.

    As I worked, I found myself thinking about “firm ground” — the feeling of being steadied by something reliable. I’d hoped the drawing might give me that today. But as the lines unfolded, I realised that hunting for ground might be what pulls me off balance in the first place.

    Maybe there isn’t firm ground in the way I keep wanting it. Maybe drawing is simply a way of staying with that uncertainty for a few minutes at a time — accepting the unsteady surface, line by line, rather than trying to find something solid underneath.

    A note to self: perhaps comfort can come from letting go of the search.

    A closer view of the open sketchbook resting on a blue hen-patterned tray cloth. Only the drawing and a small portion of the white tray edge are visible. The two-page spread shows loose pencil outlines of a lime-green teapot, an orange insulated Stanley mug, and a barista oat-milk carton arranged across the tray. The pages are densely filled with repeated hen motifs drawn beneath and around the objects. Handwritten phrases inside the drawing read “Looking for comfort in the familiar” near the top edge and “Trying to find some ground. Is there any?” along the lower right corner.

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  • Drawing Mary (upside down)

    A laptop resting on a crocheted blanket, showing an upside-down photograph of a woman outdoors, against a stone wall, wearing a striped jumper in bright colours. In front, a small open sketchbook lies on the keyboard, displaying a loose line drawing of the same face. A pencil rests nearby.

    A beginning — or a returning

    This feels like an important drawing — the first I’d made in nearly ten years after suddenly stopping drawing in 2013. It’s of my dear friend Mary, who had just died.

    Hearing the news — and knowing I needed to draw

    In my grief after hearing she had died, I was sent into quite a spin about my own mortality, and I realised with a sudden shock that I didn’t want to die myself without drawing again. I went into town looking for the familiar — the pocket-sized Moleskine sketchbook I used to draw in many years ago — but I couldn’t find one.

    I ended up ordering one from Amazon that same afternoon.

    The invoice — and what it showed me later

    I’ve just found the invoice — dated 10th March 2023 — the very day I received the message telling me she’d gone. That was how urgent getting hold of that familiar sketchbook, and making a drawing in it, must have felt.

    According to the invoice, it arrived the next day — so this drawing could have been made on or around the 11th of March 2023.

    Why upside down?

    It is an upside-down drawing, following an exercise from Betty Edwards’ excellent Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain. The exercise — turning a photograph upside down to draw from, so the brain is tricked into really looking at what’s there — felt like a gentle way back into drawing after so many years.

    Looking back, I think I also needed Mary herself to be upside down so I wasn’t looking directly at my lovely, now dead, friend. That slight detachment helped me see only shapes and lines, rather than the full weight of grief.

    A drawing that felt like me

    Unlike most of the rest of that sketchbook, this drawing looks more like the drawings I’m making today (and the ones I was making back in 2013). The marks feel very me — in their quickness and weight. Most of the other drawings feel nervous and uncertain. This one, though — this one feels like me finding myself again.

    Why it mattered — then and now

    The drawing mattered then because it was proof that I could still make a line. That drawing itself was something I hadn’t lost — not completely. It mattered because it was a beginning — or maybe more accurately, a returning — even though I didn’t, or couldn’t, trust that at the time.

    It matters today because I can see what I couldn’t quite see then: this drawing quietly held both loss and return. It was an opening — quiet, unannounced, and upside down. A small act of mark-making that allowed all the others to follow.

    See also: Finding out that Mary Gordon had died and Moleskine Invoice

    A small open sketchbook lies on the keyboard of a laptop. On the laptop screen, an upside-down photograph shows part of a woman’s forehead and hair. The sketchbook page contains a loose line drawing of a face, with bold outlines defining the eyes, mouth, and clothing folds. The surrounding area is softly lit and uncluttered.

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  • Moleskine Invoice

    A screenshot of a digital invoice dated 10 March 2023. The page lists two sketchbooks — a Moleskine Sketchbook and a Moleskine Pocket Sketchbook — with item codes, prices, VAT, and delivery details. The document layout is plain and administrative, with black text on a white background, order number and billing address at the top, and confirmation of next-day delivery at the bottom.

    On the face of it, this little piece of digital ephemera shouldn’t matter. It’s simply an order for two Moleskine sketchbooks made two and a half years ago. But it’s much more than that…

    Firstly, these two sketchbooks were the first I bought after returning to drawing following a ten-year break.

    Secondly, the date of the invoice shows that they were bought on the same day I heard that my friend Mary Gordon had died.

    Mary dying was the catalyst for my restarting to draw. I remember clearly that when I heard she’d died, I knew — suddenly and without doubt — that I needed to draw again. That I didn’t want to die without at least trying to get back to a drawing practice.

    What I didn’t remember was just how closely these two events — hearing of her death, and ordering sketchbooks — sat together. According to the invoice, they were not just related, but simultaneous. The sketchbooks were bought on the same day.

    That realisation has given this little digital record a much greater significance — it has become a timestamp that shows not just when I returned to drawing, but why.

    See also: Finding out that Mary had Died and Drawing Mary (upside down)

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